Wedding Question: We’ll Already Be Legally Married….

Photo from The Wedding Lens

Photo from The Wedding Lens

My fiance and I are doing a destination wedding in Cabo- SO EXCITED. BUT one issue- it will NOT be a civil ceremony, meaning it wont be legal. SO, we have to also set a court date as our “legal date” which we plan to do right before we leave (3 days before the wedding).
All of this in OK, it’s just that I feel like the “legal date” MIGHT take away from our big day in Cabo! Any advice on this…??? I am sure with everything going on the Cabo Wedding will be OK- it’s just in my head that we will already legally be married before we get to Cabo… 😦


Don’t fret! This will be a great day! And you will be in CABO! 

Remember that there are two things going on: a marriage and a wedding. They aren’t the same thing, though people often get them confused. Your marriage will be legal when you go to the courthouse, but your wedding is still your wedding!

Your wedding is a celebration of your marriage, of your love for each other. You get to bring together all your family and friends who love and support you both AND you get to share your love for each other in front of them. (I’m guessing ALL of them wont be at the court house with you three days prior, right?)

You should also know that most weddings aren’t legal marriages. Most people have to spend a day at the courthouse, either before or after the wedding day so that the state recognizes them as married. Even church weddings aren’t legal marriages recognized by the state; still gotta go to the courthouse.

So dont let the legality get in the way! You and your fiance(e) are going to have an AMAZING wedding day! And you’ll get to show everyone your love for each other — which you cant do at a courthouse.

Congratulations and have fun in Cabo! (And share pictures!)

~ Natasha

Got a wedding question? Email me!

How to Get Married and Be Charitable

In the course of my blog, I have made suggestions here and there about things that you can do that will give back to the community and the globe. It turns out that there are quite a few ways that you can give back during the wedding planning process. Here’s a list… But please don’t be intimidated! Even doing one thing on the list helps….


  • Go Green: See our list of 50 Green Wedding Tips that range from creating green invitations to ensuring that leftover food doesn’t get wasted. The list also includes using seasonal flowers — which, thank goodness, we just explained in another blog that details which flowers are in season when (according to the color flowers you want!).
  • Ask others to give:
    • If you don’t really need more STUFF in the house, ask guests to give to a charity of their choiceHere’s a list of all charities, written by the Better Business Bureau.
    • Or set up a scholarship fund at the university/college/grad school you went to and have people donate to that fund. I read an article recently about a couple that met in college and they set up a scholarship fund. They asked their guests to donate to the scholarship fund — or any charity — in lieu of giving them a gift. Sweet, right? If you do want to set up a scholarship, here’s an article about how to do it.
  • Give back: In lieu of favors, give to a charity! The reality is that people want to remember your wedding day, but they dont need to have a trinket to do that. One of the most memorable favors I “received” was a card sitting on my plate that said that in lieu of favors, the bride and groom had donated to the American Cancer Society. Instead of spending the money on the cards at each place setting, donate that money and have the DJ announce the favor/donation.

Do you have other ideas of ways to give back to the world during your wedding? Share ’em!

~ Natasha

Weddings, Marriages, & The Law – Part I


For those of you who don’t know me, I am a lawyer in real life. (Looking for a job, I should mention!) I thought it would be interesting to talk about the different aspects of weddings & the law: what it means to be married and what legal issues arise with planning a wedding (ie prenuptial agreements and contracts with vendors).  There’s a lot here, so I’m going to break this into a few posts.

First, as a lawyer, I have to include a disclaimer. The following should not be considered legal advice. This is only legal information; if you need legal advice that is relevant to your own situation, you should talk to a lawyer. Okay? Okay. 

Second, I also disclaim any agreement with links that I’ve included. Most of them have legal information; some also contain an opinion. I don’t (and The Wedding Lens does not) agree or disagree with those statements or opinions.  I link to them for informational purposes only.

Legal Marriages

In most states, being married means that you have a marriage license, issued by the state or county in which you are getting married. Your marriage is subject to the laws of the state in which you get married.  What difference does that make?

Well, each state has different laws that apply to you upon marriage. Most of those laws have to do with estate planning, who gets what when you die, power of attorney, community property, and (sorry!) divorce.  Eg. We used to joke that you shouldn’t get married in New York if you ever expect to get divorced. NY has very strict divorce laws!

So if you get married in California, for example, the law presumes that all property acquired during marriage is community property.  That means that all of your earnings become community property and your bank account (the one with JUST your name on it) also becomes community property as soon as you deposit your first paycheck post-marriage.  Note: There are exceptions to the community property rule and the states that have community property laws are different!

If you don’t like what the law does – with community property, with who gets your property when you die, with anything – you can change it! How? Prenuptial agreements and wills! You can pretty much ensure that you can do whatever you want with your money and property, as long as you write it down (which is where I would advise you to talk to a lawyer to make sure you meet your state’s requirements for prenups and wills).

Common Law Marriages

Some states recognize common law marriages if you live together for a certain length of time. The states that recognize common law marriages may have differing requirements. Check with your state!

Religious Marriages

Religious marriages have NO impact on legal marriages. If you get married in a church, but you do not get a state license, you are not considered legally married.

Other States

I should mention that while all states recognize the marriages of opposite-gender couples, regardless of where the marriage takes place, this is not so for same-gender couples. So if a same-gender couple gets married in Massachusetts, another state does not have to recognize that marriage and the couples’ property rights (for example) may not change – even if they would with an opposite-gender couple. In fact, for US census purposes, same-gender married couples will not be counted as married. New York, however, does not itself allow same-gender marriages, but it DOES recognize those same-gender marriages performed in other states.

Again – this isn’t legal advice, just information.  It’s accurate to the best of my knowledge and understanding, but talk to a lawyer if you need advice on any of these topics. Stay tuned for Weddings, Marriages, & the Law – Part II!

~ Natasha